Script: Nami

Today I got a script donation. It’s titled “Nami.” The note also said, “feel free to use this for NaPlWriMo”

ACT I

It’s a normal day. A young or middle-aged MAN sits in the middle of a living room with a large window betraying a perfectly sunny day outside. There’s a door to the side, with a mail-slot. A bit above that on the door, there’s a note signed in big letters with “Love Nami;” it looks stained, like it’s been hanging there for a while. MAN, with a watch, calmly reads a newspaper with headlines about liquid inflation or something along the lines of an unnatural but fluid economic crisis. His cell phone rings. He picks it up.

MAN

Hwello.

There’s the sound of a man’s heavy breathing, and perhaps the sound of waywards storm winds. (The CELLPHONE man, whose face we never see, is perhaps sitting behind the audience, and the storm sounds are projected from behind or around as well. His voice could also be transmitted through a loudspeaker system with some evident static.)

Cellphone

Dear god!

MAN

(holds the phone a distance away)

Sorry, it looks like I have speakerphone on.

(He clicks a button.)

CELLPHONE

Please! Don’t–

MAN

Who is this? (Though speakerphone is off, he holds the phone a distance away from his ear anyway.)

MAN

Don’t worry, I won’t hang up–not yet anyway. But, who is this?

He gets up to look out the window, casually.

MAN

What do you mean you don’t know. You called me, didn’t you?

MAN

Uh, yeah right. It’s a sunny day outside, man. There’s not even a stormcloud in sight.

MAN

What do you mean where am I? I’m right here at home.

man

Listen, I’m not the one calling someone up on their cellphone with their caller ID off saying you probably won’t remember me anyway.

MAN

Low batts, my arse.

MAN

Listen, bud. I am about–

A small but notice-able piece of plaster falls down from the ceiling (or wall).

man

(He holds out his fingers, approximating the size of a piece of plaster that fell.)

I am about this close to hanging up on you.

MAN sets his cellphone to speakerphone on the couch. He goes and examines the area of the breaking wall. There’s the constant sound of a storm in the background.

CELLPHONE

I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m stuck in the middle of what appears to be a colossal storm or tsunami.

MAN

Right. You’ve got to be thousands of miles away. And that’s assuming your cell phone service can pick up in the middle of a storm like this.

CELLPHONE

It can. I mean–it has. Unless I’m hallucinating. Which… I… I could be.

man

You are. Now go back to sleep. When you wake up, it’d all be over.

He goes back to the phone, about to hang up.

CELLPHONE

Wait! Wait! Please… wait.

MAN

What.

CELLPHONE

Just… wait, please. I mean… you hear that don’t you?

The sound of the storm crests.

MAN

What?

CELLPHONE

That. The storm! Its menacing sounds… Oh my god–

MAN

What?

CELLPHONE

There’s my laptop. Oh my god… it’s floating like this titanium-gray raft… and there are little bitty rats on it.

MAN

That’s it. I’m hanging up.

CELLPHONE

No, wait… please don’t! Let me tell you about where I am. I’m sorry I don’t remember the name of the actual place. I’m somewhere in southeast Asia. I was working on some journal pieces. I woke up like I was about to suffocate, and there was water everywhere.

MAN

Uh huh.

cellphone

I was in some hostel or something with five floors. I was on the top floor, and there was water everywhere. Outside my window…

cellphone

The building was buckling and I had to jump out. And I eventually swam to a very tall tree.

man

Uh huh. (whispers) What the fuck kind of tree is this. Monkey man.

CELLPHONE

Please. You’ve got to help me. I don’t know who you are since my cell is low on batts and I can’t afford to have it display its screen. I called someone, some random person in my address book. My hotkeys weren’t working. Your name came up.

man

Right-e-o. So, do you mind telling me your name?

CELLPHONE

I told you, you probably don’t know me. I have all these people I barely met stored in my cell phone address book. And I just called you by accident.

man

So you’re saying this is a wrong number?

CELLPHONE

No! No… I mean… I reached you. The service somehow connected me to you!

MAN

Yes, but why do I care about you?

CELLPHONE

Because I’m stuck in the middle of a fuckin’ tsunami and you’re the only person who can hear me cry for help!

MAN

Oh jeez. How do I know this isn’t a prank call.

CELLPHONE

(his gurgling sound breaks up the speech intermittently)

Because, I’m surrounded by water, up to my neck, and I’m clinging onto a tree that’s giving me splinters for my dear life, and there are things floating in the water and my arm’s hurting from holding up this cellphone–and

MAN looks at the mail that’s slid through his door. One of them is evidently a donation request.

man

Right. Save the children, right? Tele-infomercial. You know what? I just got one of your spam ads by snail mail just now.

CELLPHONE

What?

MAN

Yeah, let me read it to you: “The Spiritual Children of Salvation… Donate to us to save your soul.”

CELLPHONE

What are you talking about? Do you realize what’s happening to me? My cell phone’s on low batts. I’m stuck in the middle of a tsunami. I can’t call anyone else–would you just–

MAN

Listen, I don’t know who you are or where you are. Now, how can I call for help for you?

CELLPHONE

I don’t know. Please… just do something.

man

Well, I guess I am. I’m wasting my time listening to you. So are you going to break into your pitch now?

cellphone

My what?

man

Your pitch. You know every telemarketer has one.

cellphone

What the heckjubah are you talking about?

MAN

(looks at watch)

You should start selling your product to me by now.

CELLPHONE

No. I mean…

MAN

(gently)

You might lose your job if you don’t sell enough you know. And I’m one of those kind people who will hear out your spiel and give you constructive criticism, so that you might be able to sell your stuff to the next person you call.

CELLPHONE

There isn’t going to be a next person I call–not on this cell phone at least. I mean it’s already got enough water logged in it from the spray and drizzle.

man

Oh yeah, you’re trying to sell something relating to cleaning up after some tsunami that isn’t actually happening.

CELLPHONE

What the fuck are you talking about? It IS HAPPENING! I’m surrounded by water.

man

Right… so you might want to clean up after yourself.

CELLPHONE

What?

MAN

Well, you’ve evidently wet your pants.

CELLPHONE

No kidding!

Silence for a long moment, as MAN disappears stage left, and comes back with a small foldable step-ladder. He climbs it and examines at the piece of roof or wall.

CELLPHONE

Listen, please help me.

man

I told you I can’t help you if I don’t know who you are or where you are. I mean, what am I going to do? Send a rescue team to the middle of nowhere looking for some guy with a cell phone?

CELLPHONE

(meekly)

Yes?

MAN

You have really got to work on your sales pitch.

CELLPHONE

I told you I’m not kidding. I’m really stuck in a tsunami or flood or major episode of water damage.

MAN

Right.

CELLPHONE

I’m not trying to sell you anything. I’m trying to ask you for your goddamn help!

MAN

And like I said earlier, I can’t help you until I know how and whom to send help to.

CELLPHONE

Holy shit.

MAN

What.

CELLPHONE

There’s… there’s a huge fire floating towards me.

man

Um, ok, so if you’re stuck in a huge flood, just put it out with the flood water.

CELLPHONE

That’s what I’m saying… There’s a fire coming towards me, and it’s not just following the currents, but it looks like the water is feeding it.

man

Right.

CELLPHONE

The water is shiny and multi-chromatic.

man

So you are selling detergent.

Cellphone

What? No… I mean, I guess it kind of looks like detergent. But, it’s oil. I think it’s an oil spill. It’s feeding off the oil spill.

MAN

Okay, so let me get this straight. You’re stuck on a tree in the middle of a great flood, which might be a tsunami, but you’re not sure what it is, or how you got there.

CELLphone

I know how I got there. I’m on assignment. I’m supposed to report on the indigenous culture of several southeast Asian cities. But, I’ve been on the road too long, and they’re all starting to blend on me.

MAN

I’m not done yet. So, as I was saying. You’re some guy stuck on a tree whose cell phone magically works in the middle of this huge tempest, and somehow calls me. And there’s a fire floating towards you. And, it’s floating on water.

cellphone

Yes!!! Oh my god–

man

What?

CEllphone

The tree’s on fire.

MAN

Okaay…

cellphone

Listen, man.

MAN

What?

cellphone

I’m sorry.

MAN

You’re sorry?

cellphone

I think this is the end.

MAN

Yeah, okay. Um, goodbye.

The cellphone’s usual static and wind is now overpowered by the sound of a crackling fire burning in the background.

CELLPHONE

Would you… would you do me a favor?

MAN

What?

CELLPHONE

Tell Nami I’m sorry.

MAN

Okay, Nami who?

CELLPHONE

Nami Jones

MAN

Ah…

CELLPHONE

Tell Nami Jones I love her, and… that I’m sorry. Her phone number is 555-45–

MAN

That’s my number.

CELLPHONE

What?

MAN

Nami is my wife.

CELLPHONE

Oh… Mr. Jones!

man

No…

CELLPHONE

I’m so sorry..

man

You…

CELLPHONE

I’m so very sorry…

man

You… of all people.

CELLPHONE

I–

MAN

Where is she?

CELLPhone

I… I don’t know. I left her to take on this assignment.

MAN

You left her?!

CELLPHONE

Yes… this would have made my career!

man

(yelling, but facing the window, thus with back to audience)

You left Nami Jones?!

CELLPHONE

Yes.

man

Well, here’s news for you–Nami Jones left me! And you left her!

CELLPHONE

Yes…

man

I could never do that…

CELLPHONE

You can’t?

MAN

I… I could never leave Nami Jones….

The sound of the crackling fire surges in the silence.

CELLPHONE

Um… good… I think… But, listen, I really have to split. The fire’s really burning up this tree. I don’t think my cellphone can stand much more water damage.

There’s the sound of a sudden fizzing, and the cellphone turns to a blank dialtone.

MAN

(faces the audience, slumps down with painful expression)

Nami. Nami… You… Him? Ugh…

MAN

Ugh.

Blackout.

Act II

MAN stands staring at the red phone on the wall for several long moments. Then he finally goes over and calls. NAMI’s voice emanates from the same places where CELLPHONE man’s voice once came from.

MAN

(verbalizes his dialing on phone)

555-4–

NAMI

Hwello.

MAN

Nami!

nami

Yes?

MAN

Thank god you’re all right!

NAMI

Yes… and who is this?

man

It’s Fred.

NAMI

Fred who…?

MAN

Fred… Fred Jones… Your husband.

NAMI

(with faked emotion)

Oh, Fred… Freddy…

man

(genuine relief)

Nami. I… I didn’t know if–

nami

Shit.

There’s the sound of a huge force on the other end, a wind or a giant current?

MAN

Shit?

NAMI

Tsunami!

MAN

Nami?

nami

Tsunami!!!

MAN

Okay… okay, Nami, honey, take it easy. You’re… you’re… there are trees outside?

nami

Yes.

man

Get out. Get on a tree.

NAMI

Why the hell would I do that?

man

You want to stay above the water.

nami

I’m 100 stories above ground.

MAN

Shit.

NAMI

I don’t think the water will reach me, honey. But, shit, it’s really messing things down below.

MAN

Shit. Is… is your building made out of steel?

nami

I’d think so. It’s a luxury apartment in a skyscraper.

MAN

Good. Okay, so remain calm.

NAMI

I am calm.

man

Okay, well, stay there.

nami

Not like I’ve got much choice. I a’int jumping out into the water. Oh shit…

man

What?

There’s the sound of a collision, shaking.

NAMI

That was huge. My windows are wet.

MAN

Nami, are you all right?

NAMI

It hit me.

man

It what?!

NAMI

I fell, that was how hard it hit the building.

MAN

Nami…

nami

What?

MAN

I…

NAMI

What?!

man

I love you, Nami…

NAMI

This ain’t no time to go soft and dickless. Man, we are at war.

MAN

We are?

NAMI

Hell, yeah. It’s war against Mother Nature.

MAN

(groans)

Nami…

NAMI

I am diving out there to save the people.

The sound of glass shattering. Wind. Silence.

MAN

Nami, nami.. no. don’t!

Wind.

MAN

Nami?

More wind.

MAN

(meekly)

Nami?

The sound of wind and spray.

MAN

Nami?!! NAMI!!!

MAN slumps into an emotional mess. MAN’s cellphone rings. CELLPHONE has a different accent, but has the same cellphone voice as CELLPHONE from Act 1.

CELLPHONE

Hey man.

man

(chokes through sobs)

Hi.

CELLPHONE

You wanna subscribe to The Mercury News?

MAN

No.

CELLPHONE

Okay. Bye.

MAN

Bye.

CELLPHONE

Hey wait, you sound sad.

MAN

Yes.

CELLPHONE

Anything I can do to help?

MAN

(sobs)

No.

CELLPHONE

Hey, well, there’s gotta be something I can do.

MAN

No.

cellphone

Well, how about this. Let me try to cheer you up.

man

(emphasis)

No.

CELLPHONE

Here, let me sing for you.

MAN

No. Please–

Cellphone

(offkey voice)

“I’m a little tea pot short and stout. Here is my handle and here is my–

man

Stop!

cellphone

Okay.

MAN

Go away.

CELLPHONE

Sorry, man, just trying to help. My momma always tells me my singing that song cheers her up.

MAN

Go AWAY!

cellphone

Hey, how about this, I’ll sing a song to make the bad weather go away, “Rain, rain, go away, come–”

man

(screams)

No!!! Go the FUCK away.

CELLPHONE

Hey man, no need to use dirty words in a perfectly core-dee-isle conversation.

MAN

Go away, please.

cellphone

But, I want to help.

MAN

Why?

cellphone

Because you need help.

man

(moans)

Why me?

cellphone

Because I’ve never called up on someone who needed help.

MAN

(kneels and looks to the sky)

Why now?

cellphone

Because you’re the number my telemarketing software auto-dailed?

MAN

Ugh!!!

cellphone

Hey man, chance put us together. I think I’m supposed to help you out, even if you won’t buy a subscription to The Mercury Newspaper.

man

(epiphany)

Oh my god…

CELLPHONE

What?

man

You..

CELLPHONE

Me?

man

You were trained to do this.

cellphone

Well, yes.

MAN

You were trained to… Oh my gawd… is this what they do now?

CELLPHONE

What?

MAN

They stage fictional natural disasters just to sell newspapers now. Huh.

CELLPHone

What?!

MAN

(hangs up on his cell and throws it across the room and laughs)

She’s okay. That burning tree guy who called me is okay. They’re all okay.

Blackout.

Act III

CELLPHONE rings. Man ignores it. It keeps ringing. He finally picks it up, and he’s about to lung it across the room to shatter it, but, CELLPHONE speaks before he gets to do that:

cellphone

Sir, it’s not okay.

man

What?

CELLPHONE

Oh, sorry. Hello, is this Mr. Jones

MAN

Yes, and things ARE okay. Now, if you telemarketers will stop it with this faking of real life drama, we could all just–

CELLPHONE

Sir, I’m afraid it’s not fake. What I’ve got to tell you is sad news.

MAN

Yeah, right. Well, I am not subscribing to The Mercury News… because I am already subscribing to it!

He bends down and picks up an imaginary newspaper

cellphone

No, sir, it’s not that. It’s just that I’m calling to tell you that your brother–your stepbrother–is dead.

MAN

Right!

CELLPHONE

I’m calling from Santa Monica, California. He apparently perished in a fire on a tree in the middle of the tsunami attack.

man

Wait, I thought he was in Southeast Asia.

CELLPHONE

No, sir, he’s been living in his trailer.

MAN

He said he was on top of a five story apartment. Wait, he’s my stepbrother? What… he and… Nami…

CELLPHONE

Well, you’re apparently the last number he called. He still had his cellphone clasped tight in his hand when we found him. And wonders of all wonders, the phone still works.

man

My step-brother. Jake. Nami…

CELLPHONE

I understand you may need some time to yourself. I’m just doing my duty to the deceased, trying to close and mend what broken things I can.

MAN

(sobs)

I can’t believe that…

CELLPHONE

It’s all right, sir. I’ll leave you to yourself now.

man

No, wait!

CELLPHONE

Yes, sir?

man

No, don’t leave me alone, please.

CELLPHONE

Sir, I think…

man

I… I can’t believe that…

CEllphone

Sir, you need to take some time off from work or what you’re doing to reflect on the events that transpired, and to heal yourself. But, that’s something you have to do yourself.

man

No!

CELLPHONE

Sir, please–

MAN

I can’t believe my step-brother ran off with my wife! That backstabbing two-bit–

CELLPHone

Sir, if that’s the case, they’re both beyond this world now. You should make amends with what wrongs they may have done to you, and leave it at that.

man

Make amends?

CELLphone

Yes, sir.

man

Make amends at a cheating and lying and worthless piece of crap of a stepbrother who’d lie about his career of ‘journalism’ in southeast Asia.

cellphone

Sir, I realize you have a lot of anger harbored against your… your step-brother. But, that’s something you have to reflect on your own and come to your own terms with.

man

I… My own terms….

CELLPHONE

(gently, with relief, getting ready to hang up)

Yes, sir.

man

Burn him.

CELLPHone

Excuse me?

man

Burn him!

CELLPHONE

I’m sorry, sir. I don’t follow.

MAN

BURN HIM! Burn my step-brother.

CELLPHONE

Cremation isn’t a service that volunteers like me provide for, sir.

man

I don’t care. BURN him. That’s the only way to find out if it’s just faking it.

cellphone

Excuse me?

MAN

I said BURN HIM!

CELLPHONE

Sir, you don’t seem to realize the situation. Your step-brother is one of the deceased victims we have recovered from the recent tragedy that fell on the coast of Santa Monica and surrounding regions. He’s dead, sir. And he’s dead with his hand frozen and clasped around a cell phone. And the last number he called was yours. And all I did wascall you back to tell you what happened. You obviously meant a lot to him.

man

He called me by accident.

cellphone

Well, he had your number stored in his phone, then.

man

He told me he had thousands of numbers stored in his phone. And he just called me by accident because his hot keys don’t seem to work.

cellphone

Nope, looking through his phone list. Looks like you’re one of the only people on the list.

man

Who else is on the list?

CELLPHone

Just you, Mom, and Nami.

MAN

You sound like him? Who are you?

CELLPHone

A volunteer. My name is Sam.

man

Bullshit.

cellphone

(attitude)

Excuse me?

man

I said: bullshit!

cellphone

Do you have a problem with my name?

MAN

Yes, yes I do! Because, that’s NOT your name. Your name is Jake, and you’re faking your death, you–

CELLPHONE

My name is Sam, and that will be all.

Dialtone. MAN throws his phone across the room. It shatters.

MAN

Good riddance.

Blackout.

Act IV

MAN calls Nami on his landline phone.

man

Nami?

NAMI

Hwello.

man

You aren’t dead?

NAMI

Dead?

MAN

You… didn’t you jump out the window to save everyone?

NAMI

Yeah. But, I’m back now.

MAN

You…

NAMI

Yes?

MAN

(laughs happily)

You… you’re alive.

NAMI

Yes. Should I not be?

MAN

You’re alive!

NAMI

Yes…

MAN

Hey, listen, do you have Jake’s number?

NAMI

(hesitant voice)

No…

man

It’s all right. I know all about it.

NAMI

Do… do you want a divorce now?

man

No, no, I’m cool. Just… do you have Jake’s number?

nami

No… what are you going to do to him?

man

Nothing. I just want his number

nami

No… you… you’re going to do something.

MAN

Nothing, like I said. I just want his number. His cellphone number.

nami

No, you are going to tell me what you’re going to do with it.

MAN

I just want to call him to see if he’s okay.

NAMI

Oh my god… Jake…

man

What?

NAMI

He’s… he was at the bungalow

MAN

Wait a minute… you mean you saw him recently? I thought you were in Bangkok… Oh, wait, yeah, you ran off with him in your extramarital affair.

NAMI

It’s not that… Well, yes, it’s that. I’m not in Bangkok. I’m just down in Santa Monica. But, it’s just that…

MAN

Yeah?

NAMI

Well, while I was out there saving people, I saw what happened to the trailer park. The whole place got squashed. Literally.

MAN

(dawning expression)

Oh…

nami

He’s dead, Johnny. Your half-brother, Jake Jones, is dead.

MAN

Oh my god…

NAMI

Yeah.

MAN

I’m sorry… I need a moment.

NAMI

It’s okay. Me too.

NAMI and MAN both hang up.

MAN

(head to knees, falls)

Oh my god…

Blackout.

Act V

MAN sits cross legged facing the window. Though it’s still daytime outside, it’s grown dark.

MAN

Nami… Jake… Nami… Jake.

He gets up and reaches for the PHONE.

MAN

Hi, I’d like to speak to the volunteer who found Jake Jones’ body and cellphone?

phone

Um, I’m gonna need more than that.

man

Well, he called me a couple of hours ago. It was… still bright and sunny outside.

PHONE

Well, it ain’t been bright and sunny here for some time now.

MAN

Yes–but I’m halfway across the state, inland.

phone

Right, so you’re lookin for?

MAN

Jake Jones’ rescuer. I mean.. he didn’t rescue Jake, but he found his body and he called me on his cell phone.

phone

Well, that’s got to be one heck of a cell phone.

MAN

Yeah, Jake always had a thing for expensive weather-proof toys.

phone

Uh huh. Well, I’m gonna need a name.

MAN

I don’t know. They didn’t tell me their name. He–Jake’s rescuer–did mention something about trying to help make amends.

PHONE

Sounds like an overeager volunteer.

man

Well, the situation is kind of complicated. Jake was holding onto his cellphone when he died.

PHONE

Must have been one heck of a call.

MAN

Yeah, he was calling me…

phone

Well, I’m glad you got to say goodbye to him.

man

Well, that’s the thing, I didn’t actually get to say goodbye.

phone

No… the man calls you with his last breath and you don’t even have the decency to wish him bye?

man

No, well, I did say goodbye, it’s just I didn’t know who he was–is–whatever–until after… much after.

PHONE

Well, you have got to start using caller ID, Mr. Jones–and maybe even train your ears. I ain’t seen a man who can’t tell the voice of his family member.

man

Well, he’s not really family. I mean, he is, but–he’s my step brother, and we haven’t spoken for over ten years. And… and…

phone

(not impressed)

Yeah?

man

My… my wife ran off with him.

phone

Divorced?

MAN

No…

phone

Need your money?

MAN

No…

PHONE

You’re too boring…

MAN

(sobs)

Maybe…

PHONE

Hey, it’s all right.

man

No. No it’s not!

PHONE

Okay then, no it’s not.

man

That’s right! My stepbrother is dead!

PHONE

There, there…

There’s the evident sound of some whispering, but the words are blurred in the slurs of wind.

phone

Now, listen, I’m going to patch you over to a volunteer, who’ll talk to you, and maybe help make you feel less bad.

man

(mumbles)

Okay…

The person on the PHONE now sounds distinctly like the volunteer rescuer.

phone

Hi, there, Mr. Jones. How are you?

MAN

(sobs)

Sfiweo

phone

What’s that?

MAN

(sobs)

I feel like I’ve drowned.

PHONE

(sad)

Yes, many have, today. Who did you lose?

MAN

(sobs)

My stepbrother. And I didn’t even know it was him…

PHONE

There, there…

MAN

And he wasted his last dying breaths calling him on his cell phone.

phone

Whoa.. You’re that Jones?

man

Yes… yes… you–you’re the rescuer!

phone

Sir, I’m glad you’ve finally come to terms with your loss.

man

Jake!!!

PHONE

No, sir, I’m sam.

man

(moans)

Jake!!!

PHONE

Sir, while I don’t reckon it’s safe for you to board transportation to the vicinity, but maybe if you come down here, things would all make sense.The situation is very simple. I am not Jake. I am Sam.

MAN

But, you sound just like Jake!

phone

I think it’s the broken patch cable, sir. It might make me sound like someone on a dying cell phone line.

man

No…

PHONE

Sir, it’s all right. Many have lost loved ones today. You’re not alone.

MAN

That’s the thing. You don’t understand. I never loved Jake. Jake was always the brother who got EVERYTHING. In fact, he even… he got Nami, too. Ugh… I hate Jake!

phone

Sir, now is no time to act childish. You really ought to just sit down and calm yourself.

Gets up and goes to the window.

man

I am sitting!

PHONE

Uh huh.

MAN

Oh my…

phone

Yes?

MAN

You see that?

phone

See what?

MAN

That thing.

A great shadow covers the sky outside.

phone

What?

NAMI is right outside, but she gets sucked up.

MAN

Dammit. Nami!

It becomes evident that the world outside has now been taken over by a huge tornado.

PHONE

What?

MAN

Twister.

phone

Oh man… You really–

MAN

(in tears)

Nami… Jake… Nami. Oh, Nami…

Twister nears, but a heavy burst of water hits the window. Blackout.